Top 5 Things I Noticed as a Therapist Who Is Also a PMAD Survivor
By Dr. Solimar Santiago-Warner, LCSW, PMH-C, Birth Trauma, Infertility & Reproductive Loss Therapist in NY & CT
Navigating a perinatal mood and anxiety disorder (PMAD) can feel like one of the hardest journeys a parent will ever face. As a therapist specializing in maternal mental health—and as someone who has lived through a PMAD myself—I know firsthand that the story doesn’t end when the symptoms ease.
What comes after survival is often just as complex: the grief, the guilt, the ongoing healing. This is the part of the story that too often goes untold.
Below are the top five things I’ve noticed—both in my own healing and in the experiences of my clients—about life after a PMAD.
1. Grief Shows Up After Survival
Most people expect relief once the panic, intrusive thoughts, or depression lift. But for many, grief comes in waves.
Grief for the moments clouded by illness.
Grief for the vision of early parenthood that didn’t match reality.
Grief for the time that feels “lost.”
Naming this grief is essential. It doesn’t mean you’re ungrateful—it means you’re human.
2. Survival Doesn’t Erase Scars
Even when you feel “better,” your body and mind may carry reminders of the struggle. Night sweats, triggers, or heightened anxiety at medical visits can persist. These are not signs of failure—they are proof of survival.
Recognizing that healing is ongoing, not instantaneous, allows you to meet yourself with compassion.
3. Guilt and Shame Are Common Companions
So many parents tell me, “I should have enjoyed it more.” Guilt is one of the heaviest weights after a PMAD. But guilt is not truth—it’s a story born from pain.
As both a clinician and a survivor, I encourage reframing: instead of “I failed,” try “I did the best I could in impossible circumstances.”
4. Healing Is Not Linear
Recovery after a PMAD isn’t a straight climb upward. There are good days and hard days—even months or years later. A rough day doesn’t mean you’re back at square one. It means you’re human, still navigating healing.
When we release the pressure for “perfect” recovery, we make space for real, sustainable progress.
5. Recovery Can Bring New Wisdom
While surviving a PMAD can feel devastating, many parents also find themselves with deeper empathy, resilience, and insight. This wisdom can transform not just parenting, but the way you relate to yourself and to others.
Recovery doesn’t erase what you’ve been through—it reshapes you. That reshaping can carry both scars and strength.
Final Thoughts
If you’ve survived a PMAD, know this: you are not broken. You are healing.
Your grief is valid. Your scars are real. And your story holds wisdom that can guide others, too. At Solmaterna Psychotherapy & Consulting, I specialize in helping parents process these layered experiences with compassion, cultural sensitivity, and evidence-based care.
You don’t have to carry this alone.
Perinatal mood and anxiety disorder survivor
PMAD recovery
Postpartum depression and anxiety grief
Maternal mental health therapy
Culturally responsive postpartum support
Healing after perinatal loss or trauma
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